World Elder Abuse Awareness Day

June 15th of each year has been designated by the United Nations as World Elder Abuse Awareness Day — Stressing the importance for each of us to be aware that elder abuse, whether physical, financial or psychological is happening every day.  We need to learn how to identify the abuse and where to obtain assistance for those of our elders who are abused.

There are many events planned to raise awareness of Elder Abuse. Google WEAAD to find locations near you.

Visit the New Jersey Long-Term Care Ombudsman Website to find information and assistance on elder abuse in relation to long term care facilities.

Legal Services of New Jersey has received a grant to assist victims of elder abuse. You can reach out to Adelina Herrarte, Esq., at Northeast NJ Legal Services, 574 Summit Ave., 2nd Flr., Jersey City, NJ 07306, 201-792-6363 for assistance.

Be aware.

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Dementia: Don’t Count Your Loved Ones Out

Yesterday was Memorial Day.  It was a day of remembering those who died fighting for our freedoms.  It was also a day spent with loved ones including our elders.  For those of you who have family members diagnosed with dementia, you may feel that you have already lost them even though they are still with you physically.

Please read the article entitled “Counting Them Out” by Carol Silver Elliot, https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/counting-them-out.  The article offers a story of one elder with dementia who rarely responded to any communication yet responded to a therapy pony.

I hope Ms. Silver’s blog brings you some comfort and perhaps a method for stimulating your loved ones with dementia.  Don’t count your loved ones out –  they are still with you.

 

Ageism

Ageism is not only discrimination based on age, but is also the use of words to diminish a person’s value.  When we describe an older person as “cute”, “sweet” or “adorable” we are using the same words that we use to describe a baby or a child.  In the case of an older adult this is an insult, not a compliment.  An older person is wise, not cute.  An older person has years of experience to share with us.  An older person is a mentor.  An older person is a teacher.

We should be celebrating our older adult population not demeaning them or diminishing them.

In elder care planning mediation we celebrate our elders and work towards giving them the future they want for themselves and providing them and their families with the tools and assistance to achieve that goal.  Please call if I can be of assistance.

I recommend the following blog post for a heartfelt discussion on Ageism. https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/freedom-from-ageism/

 

 

 

Signs Your Aging Parent May Need Assistance at Home

As holiday season approaches we are looking forward to family gatherings.  Use this special time with family to check on the current home environment for your aging loved ones.  Please click on the link below to an article that will help you evaluate if additional care and assistance is needed, https://www.caring.com/articles/signs-need-home-care.

If you need assistance with elder care planning or you and your siblings cannot agree on a plan, please let me help you.  Call my office to schedule a free half hour consultation.

 

Mother’s Day

Many of us this Mother’s Day are taking care of our Moms rather than having them take care of us.  The circle of life.

I share the following blog with you which brought tears to my eyes.

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/for-mothers-day/

If you need assistance with making elder care decisions for your Mom, let me help.

 

National Healthcare Decisions Day

April 16 is National Healthcare Decisions Day.  This day is a reminder of the importance for each of us to articulate our medical wishes now in case we can’t speak for ourselves later and to share them with those who matter. It is also a reminder to call our parents, older loved ones and friends and discuss with them how important it is for them to let others know of their medical wishes.

Use April 16th as a day to think about your own healthcare decisions and update your advance directive/living will if needed.  If you don’t have a proxy for healthcare and a living will, use this day to think about those documents and contact an attorney to begin the process of preparing them.

If discussion of these issues is uncomfortable to have with your parents and siblings, call me to schedule a family mediation so that all interested family members can participate in the discussion in a non-threatening and confidential environment.

 

 

Family Mediation To Plan For Your Parents’ Long Term Care

When we are young, our parents take care of us.  As our parents age, they may need us to take care of them.  It may be very difficult for our parents to have that discussion with us.  They don’t want to impose.  They are not accustomed to discussing their financial situation with us, their children.  No one in the family may be comfortable raising the issue of long term care and end of life decisions.

“What is most difficult, I think, are the situations in which family members cannot agree with one another and they argue about everything from course of treatment to choices that may impact their loved one’s comfort. It happens more often than you would think and, perhaps, more often than it should.”  http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/family-times/ Family Times, by Carol Silver Elliott, President and CEO of The Jewish Home Family.

As a mediator I bring family members together in a safe and confidential environment to facilitate the discussion of these issues.  Please contact me if you need help.

 

Being Kind

I just read a blog written by Carol Silver Elliott, President and CEO of the Jewish Home Family and wanted to share it with you.  To Be Kind, http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/to-be-kind/

Caregiver Stress

During the holiday season many family caregivers experience additional stress. Not only is the caregiver dealing with the usual day to day care of a loved one, but the holidays themselves are stressful with the added worries about gifting, entertaining and end of year planning.

Family mediation is available to help caregivers discuss the situation in a safe, non-judgmental environment with other family members. By participating in the mediation, family members who are visiting for the holidays can get a better perspective on how the caregiver of their loved one is trying to cope and perhaps how they can best assist.

Please call me if you wish to schedule a family mediation. In the meantime I refer you to the following article from Alzheimer’s NJ, http://www.alznj.org/managing-caregiver-stress-holidays/.

Elder Care Mediation: Home for the Holidays

Although this blog is primarily focused on divorce mediation, I occasionally discuss other family related issues and today I want to discuss family mediation and our elderly relatives.

As you watch your loved ones grow older you should try to discuss with them their plans in the event they can no longer care for themselves without assistance. This discussion can at times be very difficult either because you and other caring relatives find it hard to discuss end of life issues with your elderly relatives or your elderly relatives don’t want to acknowledge or don’t realize that they may need assistance. Sometimes the discussion is difficult because elderly parents don’t want to appear to favor one child over the other and want all their children present for the discussion.

How do you know when it is time to have this discussion? Having just spent time with your family for the holidays, you may have noticed some of the signs that should have alerted you that your elderly relatives, your parents, aunts, uncles, etc. may need some additional care. Some of these signs include piles of correspondence, bills, etc. that have not been attended to, lack of attention to personal hygiene and/or lack of cleanliness in their home.

Elder mediation is the process where all interested family members and the elders concerned meet with a mediator who facilitates the discussion. Having a professional mediator involved will lessen the stress and tension among those present. Depending on the specifics of the situation, the mediator may suggest that a geriatric care manager and/or an elder law attorney participate in the mediation as well. The discussion can include medical issues, legal issues, your loved ones’ living situation, the plan for your loved ones’ futures and any other concerns.

Having just been home for the holidays, please look back at your time with your family and ask yourself if now is the time to become involved. If the answer is yes, please reach out to me to discuss how I can help your family.

My best wishes to all my readers for a happy and healthy New Year.